12 Pains of Christmas: Mentalist Style
by Partners In Fanfic
Summary: This is a series of oneshots based on the Christmas song, "12 Pains of Christmas" starring our favorite CBI team. Rated T for some very, very, very minor language.
1. Finding a Christmas Tree

_**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT, NOR WILL I EVER, OWN THE MENTALIST.**_

_**ANOTHER DISCLAIMER: ALL RIGHTS GO TO THE ARTIST FOR THE TWELVE PAINS OF CHRISTMAS.  
**_

_Dear Readers,_

_This is going to be a 12 chapter fic (all oneshots) based on one of my top three favorite Christmas songs--the Twelve Pains of Christmas. And what better team to write it for than our favorite CBI agents? anyway, I'll be updating as often as I can. Read and enjoy =D_

_--EAJP  
_

_

* * *

The first thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me…Is finding a Christmas tree. _

"Lisbon, we want to be more festive this year. Each team is getting a Christmas tree, but you have to pick one out for your office," Minelli said from behind his desk.

"Boss, we're really busy and –" Lisbon was cut off.

"You haven't had a case in a few days and all your paperwork's done. Don't try that on me. Just do it please?"

"Fine." Lisbon sighed and walked back toward the bullpen. It's not that she didn't like Christmas, but finding a tree was just so difficult.

Right as she was about to sulk into her office, she got an idea. "Cho!" she exclaimed, entering the bullpen.

Cho set down his book and looked at her, waiting for her to continue. "We need to get a Christmas tree for the bullpen – Minelli's orders. Can you pick one up?"

Cho's eyes widened, which is basically his only show of any type of surprise. "Real or fake?" he asked.

"Uh…" Lisbon glanced down at the paper Minelli had given her. "Real. Don't ask me why."

"Great. It's a week and a half before Christmas, and I have to get a stupid tree." Cho picked up his book and continued reading.

"Aw, come on Cho, it won't be so bad!" Rigsby teased.

"Do _you_ want to get the tree?" Cho shot back. Rigsby put his hands up and walked off to the break room before he got assigned to the impossible task.

"I'll help you get a tree, Cho," Jane pointed out.

"I don't need your help to get a stupid tree," Cho deadpanned.

"Yes, you will. But, ah," Jane sat up and looked at his expressionless face, "You're going to be stubborn about it. Well, you know how to reach me when you can't find a tree!"

"If anything, he'll find a tree to spite you," Van Pelt pointed out. Everyone laughed, even Cho. That had been his plan all along.

**MENTALIST**

Cho couldn't believe he was out trying to find a tree. One would think it would be an easy task – but it was far from it.

"These are the only trees you have?" Cho asked the sales person at what must have been the fifth tree stand he went to.

"Yes, sir, they are. It's a week and half before Christmas – we don't have a lot."

"Yeah, I got that part." Cho turned around, frowning, and walked back to his car.

When Cho was seated in his car, he yanked out his cell phone to call Lisbon. "Lisbon, I cannot find a tree anywhere. Can't I just get a stupid fake one?"

"_No, Cho, you can't. What's with you and the word 'stupid' anyway?"_ Lisbon replied. He didn't say anything else, just hung up his phone and continued to his next stop.

**MENTALIST**

After Cho visited three more tree places, he threw his arm up in defeat to no particular person and pulled out his cell phone again. His finger hovered over the call button as he stared at Jane's number in front of him.

After opening and closing the phone a few times, he finally hit the 'call' button. Jane, of course, answered on the first ring. "Cho! To what do I owe this call? Well, technically I already know, but I'll humor you."

"Shut up, Jane." Cho glared at the phone and continued, "I've been to every tree stand in Sacramento and I could not find a decent tree to save my life. I didn't want to ask you, but I am."

"Of course I'll come help you! Pick me up would you? Oh, and bring a flashlight and a saw too."

"A flashlight and saw?" Cho questioned.

"Well, yeah. How do you think we're supposed to get a tree?" Jane made it sound like the most obvious thing in the world.

"Fine. Be ready in twenty minutes."

Just as Cho was going to hang up the phone, Jane yelled, "Oh, I almost forgot! I told you so!"

Cho turned on the radio and had to laugh as the all-too ironic lyrics floated to through his car, "The first thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me..is finding a Christmas tree!"

* * *

**Alright, what did ya think?! I'll never know unless you review =D**


	2. Rigging up the Lights

_**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN THE MENTALIST. **_

**DISCLAIMER: NOR DO I OWN 'THE 12 PAINS OF CHRISTMAS'...ALL RIGHTS TO THE ARTIST.**

_EAJP here. Here's the second chapter...hope you enjoy it =D I would have had it up earlier, but I got caught up in Christmas-gift wrapping. Anyway, read and review!_

_(*KWY) I kinda have the day off...so HEREZ I AM! =D Did anyone see the beginning of Episode 8-His Right Hand...I did...I was like WOAH! RIGSPELT TO THE EXTREME!_

*****RIGSPELT ALERT! RIGSPELT ALERT! This chapter is basically all Rigspelt..so I hope you like that ship =D*****

_

* * *

The second thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me…Rigging up the lights!_

"Wayne, you _are_ helping me put up these Christmas lights," Van Pelt said to her boyfriend.

"Christmas lights don't like me, and I don't like them, Grace. It's a hate-hate relationship. Always has been, always will." Rigsby love Christmas – especially the food – but could not stand Christmas lights.

"Well then, I'm not making that cake I said I would." Van Pelt turned on her heel to walk away, but Rigsby caught her by the wrist.

"Where are those Christmas lights again?" he asked.

Van Pelt smirked. "They're the two boxes in the kitchen." Rigsby plodded into the kitchen and found the two boxes.

"All of these lights?!" he exclaimed.

"Yeah!" Van Pelt said, "I'll show you where they go."

Rigsby rolled his eyes mentally. He thought, _"I'll be lucky if I walk into work on Monday uninjured."_

**THE MENTALIST**

After Van Pelt showed him where all the lights went, Rigsby was left standing in the cold staring at the heaps of lights in front of him. There were big bulbs, little bulbs, colored ones, white ones, and an inflatable penguin wearing a Santa hat that he somehow had to connect.

"Alright, we'll start with the penguin first," he muttered to himself. He grabbed the directions out of the box and started to read it. He blinked in terror when he realized how complicated it was.

"How are you doing?" Van Pelt came walking out the door bundled up.

"Uh..um…fine," Rigsby replied.

"Oh good! I'm going out to do some Christmas shopping. I want them up before I get back." She kissed him quickly on the lips and walked to her car.

As soon as she drove away, Rigsby turned back to the penguin. "Ouch!" he exclaimed as his finger got pinched on one of the plastic parts.

After pinching his fingers a few more times and nearly getting electrocuted, the penguin inflatable was fully inflated and looking as good as Rigsby thought it could get.

Then, he wearily turned his attention back to the lights. "Oh God," he mumbled when he saw how tangled they were.

He plopped down onto the porch and began untangling them, sighing all the way.

**THE MENTALIST**

An hour later, all the lights were untangled and Grace still wasn't home. He smiled to himself – this light thing was getting easier.

He began to whistle as he hung up all the lights and in no time he was finished. Everything was like Grace wanted.

Right as he put the ladder away, Van Pelt came walking up the driveway. "You finished the lights!" she exclaimed.

"Yep," he said proudly, "Let's plug them in!"

Rigsby walked over to the outlet and put the two cords into the outlets. Van Pelt gasped. "It looks so nice!"

The whole front porch was wrapped in various colored lights and the penguin was in the front yard. Rigsby smiled at his work.

"It wasn't as bad as—" Rigsby froze as the lights started to flicker, and then promptly went out.

"Oh. My. God." Van Pelt started laughing at Rigsby as the penguin deflated and all the lights flickered off.

"Didn't you check the lights before you put them up?" Grace asked like it was supposed to be obvious.

"I was supposed to?" he asked.

"Well, yeah."

Rigsby sighed. This was going to be a long day.

* * *

**Alright, how'd ya like it?**

**Unlike Jane, I'm not a Mentalist, so I don't know unless you review!**

**HOWEVER WE WILL USE HIM TO TRACK YOU DOWN!!! ...Jk jk...lol**


	3. Hangovers

_**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE MENTALIST. IF I DID, IT WOULD HAVE ITS OWN CHANNEL WITH NEW EPISODES EVERY DAY, BUT IT DOESN'T, SO I DON'T.**_

_EAJP here. Agh this one took me longer than expected!!! I'm sorry, but it was a tough one to write, so it might not be my best, but I wrote it! And there's just so much going on with the holidays that I haven't had time. But, as tired as I am, I managed..haha. =D Read and enjoy!_

_

* * *

The third thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: Hangovers!_

"Ughhhhhhhh." Patrick Jane rolled over at the incessant sound of his phone ringing – or was it an alarm clock? He couldn't tell – or care.

After determining it wasn't his alarm clock, a hung-over Jane answered the phone groggily, "Hello?"

"Jane!" Lisbon yelled (and smirked) into the phone.

"Agh, woman not so loud!"

"You going to come to work today or are you just not feeling up to it today? You know, since you're probably hung over from the massive amounts of the spiked eggnog you drank last night at the party."

"Wa-ait what?" Jane sat up and rubbed his eyes.

"Work. You know, that place you have to come to five days a week and do nothing." Lisbon smirked again. It wasn't often that she had the upper hand in these situations.

"Yeah, yeah I know woman. And stop smirking, you don't have the upper hand, I was merely gaining awareness of my surroundings." Jane laughed despite his headache and Lisbon glared at the phone.

"Whatever, just get your ass into work." Lisbon hung up before Jane had a chance to respond.

As he stood up, the room started to spin for a little bit. "Ugh," he groaned. This was going to be a long day.

**THE MENTALIST**

"G'morning." Jane walked into the bullpen, dragging his feet and looking not at all Jane-ish.

"Hey, Jane!" Rigsby yelled.

"What's up Jane?!" Cho uncharacteristically shouted.

"Hey, look who came in!" Lisbon shouted.

"I brought Advil!" Van Pelt said a little louder than she usually talked.

"Very funny, all of you – except Van pelt, thank you," Jane grumbled as he threw himself down onto his couch.

"Yeah, it is," Cho deadpanned, "I told you not to drink all of that eggnog."

"Hah. Yeah, you told me – as you handed me another cup." Jane glared at the ceiling. His 'psychic' capabilities were being impaired and he didn't like it at all.

"Aw, calm down, Jane – at least you didn't do anything stupid," Rigsby pointed out.

"Like you?" Cho responded.

"Enough!" Lisbon said before there could be any more said, "Get back to work."

**THE MENTALIST**

At the end of the day, Jane had already disappeared after his rough day of squinting at everything brighter than a small light bulb and taking Advil every four hours.

Cho walked back to his desk at the same time Rigsby did and they both saw notes taped to their computers. Simultaneously, they began to read the neat, calm handwriting.

_You gave me this hangover, my dear friends – don't think I don't know. If I were you, I would keep an eye on your drinks._

_~Patrick. _

"Cho –"

"I don't know man, the dude's whack." Cho shook his head and grabbed his stuff, warily tucking the letter into his pocket.

As the two agents walked down the hall, Rigsby remarked, "I guess when it comes to Patrick Jane's hangovers, everyone has a headache."

Cho smiled a little as they got into the elevator, "Bad pun, man, bad pun."

* * *

**Alright, I need your reviews!!!!!! How am I supposed to know if you like it if you don't tell me?! Unlike Jane, I am not, nor will I ever be, psychic.**


	4. Sending Christmas Cards

_**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE MENTALIST, NOR WILL I EVER. I REALLY GET TIRED OF SAYING THIS BUT OK. I DON'T OWN 'THE 12 PAINS OF CHRISTMAS' EITHER. ALL RIGHTS GO TO THE ARTIST. **_

_EAJP here. Here's another oneshot for you! This 'pain' is probably one of my favorites because every year I get stuck writing the cards. What's everyone's biggest pain of the holiday? Anyway, I was writing this while watching the snow fall outside, which put me in the mood for writing Christmas stuff so I might get another update out. Read and enjoy =D_

_Hey ppls. It's *KWY...I now officially have no life. Why? Cuz I'm working all the time now...or going to school...or doing HW...or sleeping...or eating. Yea...._

******This fic could be implied Jisbon if you squint and turn your head to the side, but I really didn't intend it to be. Anyway, take it any way you want.******

_

* * *

The fourth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: Sending Christmas cards!_

Lisbon glared at the stack of Christmas cards – unopened – on her coffee table and the bag with blank Christmas cards next to it.

After deciding she couldn't put it off any longer, she flopped down onto her couch and thought back to how it all started.

_*flashback*_

_"Jane, it's getting kind of late – do you want to come back to my house for some dinner?" Lisbon asked somewhat hesitantly. The team had just finished up a rather large case all thanks to Jane._

_ "Sure! If I didn't know you better, I would say you were trying to seduce me…but you're not. It touches me, however, that you want to do this as a thank-you for me," Jane replied happily – his usual twinkle back in his eyes._

_ "Shut up before I regret this," Lisbon grumbled._

_ They both drove in separate cars back to Lisbon's house where she threw open the door and called over her shoulder, "Make yourself at home!"_

_ "Don't worry, I will!" Jane called back as he began to pace the living room, finally stopping to stand in front of the stack of unopened Christmas cards. "Lisbon!!!"_

_ Jane ran into the kitchen clutching the Christmas cards, "Why didn't you open these?!"_

_ "I don't like cards, Jane…too much paper." She shook her head as put a lasagna in the oven._

_ "But Lisbon! It's part of the Christmas season! You have to! That means you don't send Christmas cards either! How could you?! Even Cho does. See?" He held up one of the unopened envelopes that shockingly had Cho's neat handwriting on it._

_ "Jane…." Lisbon sighed – she was regretting this already._

_*end flashback*  
_

Lisbon shook her head. She remembered how Jane had then proceeded to drag her to the nearest Hallmark and make her pick out cards that she should mail. He was even coming over later that night to ensure she wrote them out.

Lisbon wasn't sure why she didn't like cards. Maybe it was the fact that she hated writing anything anymore, or maybe it was because she found them pointless. Either way, she still dreaded it.

She glared as she grabbed the letter opener and opened the card on the top of the pile – it was from her brother and his family. "Gahh!" A picture he had placed with the card fell out.

Then she wrote out a card to send back to him, not really knowing what to write.

**THE MENTALIST**

She was almost too the bottom of the pile. She had written out almost fifty cards – half of them to people she didn't even know.

"I have an Aunt Susie?!" she said as she read the current card. She shook her head and just wrote one back to this alleged 'Aunt Susie.'

Finally she got to the last card, which was from Cho. It was a simple card – just a tree on the outside of it – and a few lines on the inside.

Lisbon laughed as she read what Cho wrote:

_Lisbon,_

_ You're probably not going to open this, but I'll send one anyway because I'm not a complete Scrooge. Anyway, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year._

_ -Cho_

Go figure, for as much as that man didn't say much out loud, he was a funny person when he wrote. Lisbon quickly wrote a little message in his card and sealed the envelope.

She stood up, surprisingly proud of herself, and plodded into the kitchen to get stamps. She almost smashed her head into the wall when she realized she didn't have any at all.

"You're KIDDING me!" she yelled at nothing in particular. Right as she was about to burn all the cards she wrote, the doorbell rang.

"Jane!" She opened the door angrily to find Jane standing in the snowy weather, smiling his thousand-watt smile.

"Hi Lisbon!" Jane walked in, not bothering to ask. "You look angry. Forget something?"

"No!" Lisbon snapped.

"Ah, I see," Jane replied, "Oh goodie! You finished writing the cards!" He sat down and began to flip threw them.

"Jane, you caught me at a bad time…" Lisbon went to grab her jacket.

"No, I didn't! I actually came just in time!"

"Oh, is that true?"

"Yeah, seeing as though I brought stamps." Jane smirked as he pulled out a booklet of stamps from his suit pocket.

"You're kidding right?" Lisbon laughed in spite of herself.

"I knew you would forget them…" Jane continued to ramble on about he came to that conclusion, but Lisbon tuned him out.

She mentally added a new reason to the list of why she hates writing Christmas cards – Jane.

As she continued to think about it, writing cards wasn't so bad. Writing them alone was frustrating; writing them with a certain blond-haired consultant was a different thing entirely.

* * *

**Alright, you read it...now review it! Seriously...I'm not getting a lot of feedback...How am I supposed to know if you like it if you don't tell me?! Anyway, reviews are greatly appreciated.**

**(*KWY) Awwww that was cute EAJP....that was cute. IT IS JISBON!**


	5. Five Months of Bills

_**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE MENTALIST. NOR DO I OWN 'THE 12 PAINS OF CHRISTMAS.' ALL RIGHTS TO THE ARTIST.**_

_EAJP here. This is a little on the short side, but I really couldn't get the image of Minelli writing bills out of my head so it had to be written. Anyway, read and enjoy!_

******I know Minelli retired on the show, but he'll never retire in my fanfiction! He's just to perfect for the role (to me at least) to retire! Also, in the show, he did mention something about an EX-wife, but for this story I needed him to be married..meh..that's why I don't write for the Mentalist.********

_

* * *

The fifth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: Five months of bills!_

Virgil Minelli sat down at his desk in his home office to face the mess in front of him. He had been putting off writing the bills (for the CBI and his personal ones) for almost all of the holiday season.

"There must be a bill for everything imaginable here!" he exclaimed to no one in particular. He loved Christmas as much as the next guy, but the bills were killing him!

Minelli visibly cringed as he picked up the stack of CBI bills. "_How much did these people spend this year?" _he thought to himself. "_Yikes! That's double last year's amount!"_ Every year, the CBI spent more and more on Christmas parties and decorations – especially the Serious Crimes Unit. Well, not the whole unit – just Patrick Jane. The man was becoming a thorn in Minelli's side when it came to the bills.

He rubbed his head as he stared at the electric bill. His boss was going to have his ass for sure. Lisbon had casually mentioned that she never really hung up Christmas lights, so Jane had taken that as his cue to decorate her _whole_ office and the _entire_ bullpen with lights of all shapes and sizes. Minelli had been away on a four-day conference in Los Angeles, so the lights (every single bulb) had stayed on for a full four days. God only knows why Lisbon or the other agents wouldn't taken them down, but that was a different story.

On top of that, they had been chosen to provide for the annual children's benefit in town, which meant they had to expand their budget even _more_ to buy presents for all the children. Of course, everyone felt they had to go all out with the gift-giving (mainly Van Pelt), but no one thought of the bill that would follow - except him.

Minelli sighed to himself once again and rid his mind of any more depressing thoughts. Turning on a little bit of music in the background, he continued to fill out the dreaded pieces of paper.

After successfully completing the CBI's bills, an already weary Minelli moved on to his own bills. "One of these days I'm going to have a heart attack from these things…" he began to mutter as he opened the five-page long credit card bill.

**THE MENTALIST**

Virgil's wife Judy sat in their living room watching him write what she assumed to be the bills. It was always hilarious to watch his face as he opened the dreaded envelopes. What was even more hilarious were the things that he said while reading them.

She listened intently and laughed as he mumbled, "You've got to be kidding me! Are they going to start charging us for breathing now?!"

She sighed happily, thankful that she didn't have to write the checks out, and picked up her book to read.

Right as she was about to turn the page, her husband yelled, "JUDY! YOU SPENT ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS ON WHAT EXACTLY?!?!?!?!?!"

_"Uh-oh," _she thought, "_How am I going to explain this one?"_

"Well, you see dear…" Minelli's wife heard repeated thumps of what she assumed to be his head hitting his desk and sighed - maybe she shouldn't have bought that TV after all.

**THE MENTALIST**

Minelli stared open-mouthed at the total amount on the bill. He was going to be paying these bills off for five months! Finally he shook his head and just wrote the check out, all the while mumbling, "Bah humbug," and praying that next year Christmas would just be canceled.  


* * *

**All right, folks, review it! I love hearing from all of you!**


	6. Facing My Inlaws

_**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE MENTALIST. NOR DO I OWN 'THE 12 PAINS OF CHRISTMAS.' ALL RIGHTS TO THE PRODUCERS AND THE ARTIST.**_

_EAJP here. Finally on Christmas break! I'll have lots more time to write! Anyway, I'm planning on having this fic done by tomorrow (yes, the rest of the 6 chapters), or by the latest Christmas Day. Also, I know I haven't written a fic where Jane is the main person, but I'm getting to it! It's just, I can't see him really as finding anything a pain. Ok, enough...READ AND ENJOY! _

****ALERT, ALERT: MAJOR RIGSPELT! For this story, I had to have a married couple, and I mean, come on, who would fit the frantic housewife role better than Van Pelt?******

_

* * *

The sixth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: Facing my in-laws!_

"Wayne! Wayne! Where did you put the good napkins?! Where?!" Grace Van Pelt, now Grace Rigsby, was running around their house preparing for Wayne's parents to arrive to spend Christmas.

"Grace, they're _right here_," Wayne replied, pointing to a pile of napkins setting on top of the kitchen counter.

"Oh. Dammit I set them there too!" Grace was about ready to smash her head into something.

"Grace, sweetheart, calm down," Wayne tried to soothe his overly-stressed wife.

"No! I will not calm down! My in-laws are coming _tomorrow!_"

"_Your _in-laws?! They're my parents!" Sometimes Wayne still couldn't figure out women's logic.

"So?! You've known them your whole life – you don't need to impress them like I do!"

"Can't disagree with you there," Wayne muttered, which earned him a punch on the arm. His parents weren't hard to get along with, so he couldn't really see why Grace was worrying so much.

"Go away! I need to start making dinner!" Grace frantically grabbed her apron as Wayne backed out of the kitchen, hands up in defeat. For being the size he is, not much scared him, but one thing that did was definitely a frantic Grace.

Wayne collapsed on the couch. It was only two days before Christmas and he was already wishing it was over.

"WAYNE! GET IN HERE!" Grace screamed from the kitchen. It wasn't the 'oh-Lord-help-me' scream, it was the 'I-know-I-told-you-to-go-away-but-now-I-need-you' scream.

"Wh-what is it honey?" Wayne asked hesitantly.

"I forgot to get the wine for tonight!" Wayne thought Grace might as well fall over.

"Grace, it's OK! I'll get it! What kind do you need me to get?" Wayne walked over to grab his coat.

"Oh thank you!!" she gave him an appreciative kiss and wrote down the name of the wine. "Here, just these!"

"Ok, I'll be back…with wine." Wayne smiled. It got him out of the house.

"Thank you so much! I knew there was reason I married you!" Grace smiled as she walked him to the door.

"Huh, go figure." Wayne laughed along and got into his car.

**THE MENTALIST**

The smile left his face as soon as he saw just how _chaotic _it was. There were people everywhere – and they all were in a hurry, or at least it looked like that.

After he somewhat-safely got into the parking lot of the shopping complex that had the wine store in it, Wayne sighed. He loved holidays when he was single because he never had to _do_ anything – he didn't even have to decorate if he didn't feel like it. But now, Christmas is huge, expensive, and _annoying_.

He slammed the door and walked inside the mobbed store. "Of all the things she needed, she needed wine…" Wayne muttered to himself, earning a few glances from the women and chuckles and knowing smiles from the other men with shopping lists.

He found the drinks fairly easily, but it took awhile to get through the line. After he checked out, he burst through the door and made it half-way to his car before he was stopped by a yell, "Rigsby! Rigsby!"

He turned around and saw Jane and Cho walking toward him. "Hey guys," he said.

"Hey man, running errands for the wife?" Cho said sarcastically. Although they loved Van Pelt, they still cracked jokes to Rigsby about being married.

"Man, shut up. It's insane out here." Rigsby shook his head dejectedly.

"Meh, not too bad! Lots to look at!" Jane exclaimed.

"Of course, from the man whose entertainment is based on making random people uncomfortable," Rigsby shot back. Even Cho cracked a smile.

"True." Jane smiled, "So, I presume Grace is running around frantically worrying about nothing?"

"Yeah," Rigsby sighed, "What are you two doing out together anyway?"

"Shopping. Toys for Tots. Lisbon is making us. Took a detour for lunch," Cho replied.

"Lucky." Rigsby sighed again.

"So Rigsby, when are you going to her parents' house?" Jane asked.

"Her parents?" Rigsby asked.

"Yeah, well of course. Your parents are coming for Christmas Eve obviously, but when are you seeing her parents?"

Rigsby gulped. He never thought of that. Cho laughed at his discomfort.

Rigsby pulled out his phone to call his wife. "Hey Grace, quick question. When are we going to see your parents?"

_"Oh they're coming over the weekend, remember? You better have that wine!"_

"Yeah, ok thanks, see you." Rigsby shut his phone and gulped again.

"This weekend, huh?" Jane asked, smirking.

"Yeah." Rigsby seemed to shrink at the thought.

Cho laughed. "Shoulda stayed single, man. Woulda been a hell of a lot easier for you without having to deal with the unsatisfied in-laws."

* * *

**Alright, I wrote it, now you review it! Please? I love hearing from you!**


	7. Salvation Army

_**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE MENTALIST OR THE SONG. **_

_EAJP here. Seven down, five to go! I WILL finish this fic by tomorrow at most (I hope)! The next few are giving me a little bit of a hard time. Anyway, I finally wrote one where Jane is the center! Hope you like it. READ AND ENJOY!_

_

* * *

The seventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: The Salvation Army (charities)!_

Patrick Jane was walking down the sidewalk of the outdoor shopping mall he was currently wandering around trying to find presents. Well, he knew what the team wanted for Christmas (no, not a day without him), but surprisingly it was taking him awhile to find what he needed.

Although he had to walk around a bit, he didn't actually mind; that is, until he heard _it_. It didn't take him long to spot it, either.

'It' was the Salvation Army bell. The little tiny bell had come to be Jane's nemesis during the Christmas season. Not much bothered Patrick Jane, seeing as though he was a bother to everyone else, but that bell just came to annoy him!

The little tinkling sound followed him (and everyone else for that matter) everywhere he went and that annoyed him to no end.

He didn't mind donating – heck, he gave three hundred thousand dollars to a girl he barely knew– but the fact that they were everywhere got under his skin.

He saw the dreaded bell standing outside the store he needed to go into and avoided it. He glared at the repulsive piece of gold colored metal and continued on.

**THE MENTALIST**

"Where's Jane?!" Lisbon asked irritably. He had been gone over two hours, claiming he needed to do some Christmas shopping.

"What's it matter? You don't like it when he's here anyway," Rigsby said through a mouthful of food.

Van Pelt and Lisbon glared at him and Cho just shook his head.

"I'm right here!" Jane sang, walking into the bullpen and heading straight for the couch, "It's nice to know you were concerned for my safety and well-being Lisbon!"

"I was not! I was worried about all the company time you were wasting!" Lisbon turned her glare toward him.

"Were not. Anyway, sorry it took me awhile." Jane smirked as he closed his eyes.

"Yeah, what did take you so long? Who you shopping for? The whole building?" Cho asked indifferently.

"No. I had to go to a few more stores than I should have because of the stupid Salvation Army."

"What's wrong with the Salvation Army?!" Van Pelt asked, well, exclaimed.

"Nothing. It's the bell that they ring – I hate it. It irks me. It's irksome." Jane opened his eyes and glared at the ceiling.

"Why don't you just ignore them?" Lisbon asked.

"Why should I? I'll have you know I donate a lot. I don't need a man or woman standing outside the door with an annoying bell to get me to give them money!"

"He's just mad at the bell because it's more annoying than him," Rigsby pointed out with a chuckle.

"Don't give him ideas!" Van Pelt exclaimed, "He might create a mass plan to become more annoying than the bell!"

"Aw man, you're right!" Rigsby said and continued to laugh, "But seriously, Jane, next to you, that bell is the most annoying thing in the world."

"Thank you, Rigsby. I'll take that as a compliment." Jane flashed him his big grin.

"Nah, you're wrong," Cho said, not looking up from his book, "There's one thing that's more annoying than Jane and more annoying than the bell."

"Oh yeah, what's that?" Van Pelt asked.

"Jane _with_ the Salvation Army bell."

As Rigsby, Van Pelt, and even Jane laughed, Lisbon shook her head. "You all have issues. Seriously." She turned on her heel and walked back into her office, causing everyone to laugh even more.

* * *

**Alright, you read it, now review it! Seriously, there isn't a lot of reviews for this, but I'm going to finish it anyway! REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! Love hearing from you.**


	8. I WANT A TRANSFORMER FOR CHRISTMAS!

_**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE MENTALIST OR 'THE TWELVE PAINS OF CHRISTMAS.' ALL RIGHTS TO THE PRODUCERS AND THE ARTIST.**_

_EAJP here. I know I said I would have this fic done by last night, but I didn't get a chance to write last night, and I had so MAJOR writer's block. BUT, i prevailed and got this one done. Not my best, at least to me, but hey, I'm my toughest critic. Anyway, READ, ENJOY AND REVIEW!_

_Oh, by the way, MERRY CHRISTMAS! To those who celebrate it, I really hope you had a good one =D  
_

_

* * *

The eighth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: I WANT A TRANSFORMER FOR CHRISTMAS!_

"Uncle Kimball!! We want a Transformer!!!!!!!!!!" Cho's six-year-old nephews yelled as they got into the car.

"If you don't stop yelling you're not getting anything," Cho replied calmly.

"But Uncle Kimball!!" Rob Cho whined.

"Shush." With a glare, Cho managed to silence the rowdy boys – that is until they got to the mall.

Cho had agreed to take his sister's kids out shopping for presents they wanted to buy for their parents while she got ready for the Christmas party she was having that night. Why he agreed, he really wasn't sure, but he did so here he was.

Cho sighed as the two boys ran ahead once they were inside the double doors. "Come on! The toy store's this way!" Cho's other nephew, Alex said as he dragged his brother and Cho through the mall to the huge toy store.

"Aren't we supposed to be shopping for your parents?" Cho asked stoically.

"We can go to the toy store too!" Alex argued.

"I wanna go to the candy store first!" Joe exclaimed. This sent the boys into a massive argument that almost resulted in a wrestling match between the two.

"Enough!" Cho raised his voice a little, "We are here to shop for presents for your parents! If you want a Transformer – whatever that is – or candy, then we get what we need to get done first, understand?"

Both boys nodded. They had never heard their uncle say so much at one time. "Let's start with your mom."

**THE MENTALIST**

Jane smiled when he saw who was undoubtedly walking toward him – a fatigued Cho toting two small boys who obviously wanted to do something other than what Cho was making them do.

"Cho!" Jane called out, striding over to him, "What brings you out here?"

Cho looked at him blankly. "Bringing my nephews out Christmas shopping."

"Ah, yes I knew that already didn't I?" Jane turned his attention to the two boys standing on either side of Cho. "Hi, I'm Patrick, and you are?"

"I'm Alex and this is my twin brother Rob."

"Hi," Rob said, almost as an afterthought.

"Nice to meet you both. Shopping for your parents?"

"Yeah," Alex said somewhat dejectedly, "We want to go to the toy store and the candy store though."

"Toy store?" Jane perked up, "Cho, we can take some time out to go to the toy store can't we?

"Jane…"

"But I thought his name is Patrick, Uncle Cho!" Rob said.

"It is, but his last name's Jane. And I work with him; I call him by his last name."

"That's stupid," Alex pointed out, "Anyway, can we go to the toy store or not?"

"Yeah, come on Cho!" Jane smiled.

"Fine," Cho sighed, realizing this was a losing battle, "But we have to shop for your parents."

**THE MENTALIST**

"Jane, this is way too much," Cho said, looking disapprovingly at all the bags they had accumulated.

Jane had managed to get the boys hyper off of sugar, and of course they got Transformers. "Nah, it's not," Jane replied, waving him off.

Right as Cho might have said something in return, his cell phone rang. "Agent Cho."

"_Cho, it's Lisbon, we have a case. 2114 Windsor Drive. You know where that is, right?"_

"Yeah, got it. I'll be there. Have to drop off my nephews though."

"_That's fine. See you there."_

"Got a case Cho?"

"Yeah, she'll be calling you. Come on, we have to get you two home."

**THE MENTALIST**

"Sorry it took me awhile," Cho said to Lisbon.

"No problem. You look tired," Lisbon pointed out.

"Was at the mall taking my twin nephews shopping for Christmas presents," Cho replied.

"Ah, yeah that tends to make you tired," Lisbon said.

"Well that wasn't half bad. Jane was there and decided that he needed to tag along. That's when all hell broke loose."

"Oh my God," Lisbon said, "You poor man, I'm surprised you're still standing."

"Cho!" Jane called from across the lawn, "I had a nice time today! We should do that again."

Cho turned to Lisbon, continuing their conversation, "You don't even know the half of it."

Lisbon smirked to herself. Finally someone else was facing the wrath of the Supreme Annoyance.

* * *

**Alright, you read it..erm, I hope. Now review! Reviews are like Christmas presents! Can't get enough!**


	9. Finding Parking Spaces

_**DICLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE MENTALIST OR 'THE TWELVE PAINS OF CHRISTMAS.'**_

_EAJP here. WOOT WOOT! 2 in one day! Man, I'm on a roll. Anyway, this line is probably one of my favorite lines in the song, and this was one of my favorite oneshots to write. Somehow I can just see this happening. Just so you know, I'm trying to keep the team as much in character as possible, but if they're a little OOC, sorry, I'm human too. Hope you like it! Read and enjoy!_

_

* * *

The ninth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: Finding parking spaces!_

Patrick Jane sat staring out the window of the sedan, smirking as usual. It was two days before Christmas and Lisbon was chosen (by picking the short straw) to go pick up toys and various other decorations for a children's benefit they had to attend and help set up – for tonight. Of course, being the gentleman he was, Jane didn't pass up a chance to go with her.

Lisbon had mixed feelings about Jane coming along. She didn't mind the help, but she knew he would annoy her to no end. Of course, she let him come, and being the fool she was around Jane, thought he would behave. One word – wrong.

"Lisbon. Lisbon. Lisbon. Li-isbon. Lisbon. Lisbon! Lisbon!" Lisbon was doing her best to ignore Jane. They were sitting in stand-still traffic on the road outside the mall and Jane was getting bored. "Lisbon. Teresa. Terry. Resa. Mother Teresa!"

"What Jane?!"

"Hi."

"Jane I swear to God I'm going to kill you one of these days!"

"Oh look! We're moving again!" Jane completely ignored Lisbon's death threat, seeing as though they were a common occurrence for him.

Lisbon sighed as they finally reached the mall parking lot, and then began to curse Minelli under her breath when she saw the mess before her.

"You know, mumbling to yourself is the second sign of insanity," Jane pointed out.

"Oh yeah? What's the first? Hiring you as a consultant?" Lisbon retorted.

"No actually, feeling that the world is conspiring against you is the first, and you exhibited that the other day."

"I didn't!"

"Yes you did! I distinctly remember you saying you felt as if the whole world were against you."

"It's just a saying, Jane!"

"Not when you mean it it's not."

"I hate you, Jane."

"No you don't you hate me. You hate all of these people, but you're taking your anger out on me because I'm the closest person to you."

"Shut up. I need to find a parking space and you're not helping me."

"Oh, you want me to help you! You should have said that then. Let's see if we can find a parking space!"

"Jane, the only way you can help me is by keeping quiet."

"What's the magic word?"

"JANE!" Lisbon turned to glare at him before moving on down another isle filled with cars.

"Ok, woman, no need to shout. I'll be quiet."

True to his word, Jane sat quietly while Lisbon became more and more frustrated. Finally, Jane couldn't contain himself, "Lisbon, you passed three parking spaces back there you know."

"Why the hell didn't you say anything then?!" Lisbon was about ready to start running over people – Jane first.

"You told me the only way I could help you is to be quiet, so I was quiet."

"Jane! I hate you and your stupid memory – and you're uncanny ability to follow directions when you shouldn't!" Lisbon sometimes didn't understand why people liked that man so much. Hell, she didn't understand _him _at all.

"Sorry."

"No you're not," Lisbon shot back. Sometimes she wondered if he was secretly a child trapped inside a man's body.

"Yes, I am. And to answer your unspoken question, no I'm not a boy secretly trapped inside a man's body. Really Lisbon, your imagination does amuse me."

Lisbon laughed a little. Then she saw it – a parking space. "Hold on, Jane!"

"What? Why?" Jane asked right as Lisbon gunned the engine and raced down the row of cars, cutting many people off and skidding into the parking space.

"Jesus woman!" Jane exclaimed, gaining sense of his surroundings, "And you complain about my driving!"

"Well, you do drive horribly. Besides, I drive well under normal circumstances – this was an exception."

"You just don't want to admit you secretly like driving fast and 'dangerously,'" Jane replied smugly.

"I do not!"

"You do! You mean to tell me you didn't like what you just did? Come on Lisbon, everyone likes to feel their adrenaline rush every once and a while."

"Jane, all I did was pull into a parking space." Lisbon sighed and looked at him as she turned off the engine.

"Yes, but you did it in a un-Lisbon-like way," Jane said matter-of-factly.

"Whatever. Let's just get this over with, ok?" Lisbon opened the door and jumped out.

As they were walking toward the entrance to the mall, Lisbon added as an afterthought, "Jane, next Christmas, don't even _think _of coming along to go shopping again."

* * *

**Alright my fanfiction friends, REVIEW IT! I love reading all of your reviews -- seriously I think your reviews helped dissolve my writer's block.**


	10. Batteries Not Included

_**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE MENTALIST OR 'THE TWELVE PAINS OF CHRISTMAS.' **_

_EAJP here. Woot!!!! 3rd update today!! Man, I'm on a roll!!! Anyway, I'm running out of things to say, so READ AND ENJOY!!!_

*******This story is sort of a spinoff of Chapter 8 (I WANT A TRANSFORMER FOR CHRISTMAS!!!!!) You don't need to read chapter 8 to understand this, but some of what's in this chapter refers to chapter 8's events...just an FYI for ya =D******

_

* * *

The tenth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: "Batteries not included"!_

Cho sighed as he stood in the aisle of yet another toy store. His nephews had said they wanted Transformers, and after talking to his sister, decided that was what he would get them for Christmas.

Lisbon had graciously given him extended lunch to go shopping, seeing as though it was Christmas Eve and there wasn't anything else going on. Jane had offered to go too, but after a reminder of the last time he went to the mall, he reluctantly laid back down on his sofa.

Once again, he saw no Transformer. Actually, he didn't know what a Transformer _was_ until he looked it up online. But still, he didn't see one.

Even if he felt it was a blow to his pride, Cho decided to ask for help from one of the clerks. He had been to three stores so far and _no one_ had these so called Transformers.

"Excuse me, miss?" Cho asked.

"Yes?"

"Do you have uh, Transformers?"

The sales clerk almost laughed. "Sir, I'm sorry, but they're one of the hottest toys this year. We haven't had them in weeks."

"So I've heard. Do you know where I could get one?" Cho asked deadpan.

"Uh, I heard the Toys-R-Us got some in. You could try there," the clerk replied in an all-too-cheery voice.

"Thanks," Cho replied and turned on his heel, walking back out into the California rain.

**THE MENTALIST**

"Oh my God," Cho sighed, almost letting a smile come across his face. He was standing in front of _two_ Transformers, and surprisingly he was happy.

After picking up some wrapping paper that was conveniently at the end of the aisle, Cho headed to the cash register and paid, even wishing the clerk a 'Merry Christmas.'

He got into his car, oblivious to the rain, and sighed somewhat happily. He was proud of himself. Usually when he got his nephews a gift, it was something his sister bought, wrapped and then gave to Cho (complete with a card to fill out) to give to them. This year he actually did some shopping and he must admit he liked it. He didn't like it as much as reading, but he enjoyed it all the same – especially since Jane wasn't around to make him spend unnecessary money.

As he began to pull onto the highway, he thought maybe this Christmas wouldn't be as stressful as they usually are.

**THE MENTALIST**

"If it isn't Santa Cho!" Rigsby exclaimed, joyfully licking a candy cane Van Pelt had supplied.

"Hey Rigsby – eat your weight in candy canes yet?" Cho shot back, almost smiling.

Lisbon laughed as she walked in. "You seem happy Cho. Get your shopping done?"

"Yeah, actually," Cho replied, pointing to the bag sitting next to his desk.

Jane stood up, stretched, and headed over to the bag. "Transformers I see? Your powers of observation are becoming heightened! You remembered they asked for those things!"

"Kinda hard not to," Cho replied, sitting down. He remembered that's all they yelled throughout the whole mall, "I want a Transformer! I want a Transformer!"

"True." Jane picked one up out of the bag and looked at. Frowning, then smirking, then frowning again, he peeked back into the bag, moved the other box around, and straightened up.

"Ah, Cho, the ever-prepared, always on the ball Cho," Jane said, almost in a patronizing tone, "Went to at least five different stores, even asked a clerk (hurt your pride by the way), and finally found the toys you were looking for."

"The point, Jane," Lisbon pointed out.

"Cho my friend, didn't you read the box?"

"No, why?" Cho asked stoically.

"Batteries aren't included."

"What?" Cho stood up and grabbed the box out of his hand. He skimmed in over and looked up to the ceiling.

"You didn't buy batteries, Cho?" Rigsby asked, "Dude, you really need to do something other than read."

"Shut up." Cho blinked, stared at the two boxes for a minute, and grabbed his coat.

"Where are you going Cho?" Van Pelt asked.

"Batteries. I hate batteries. Why aren't they included?" Cho walked out of the bullpen mumbling as the rest of the team laughed.

* * *

**Alright, you read it....REVIEW IT!!!!!!! Seriously, reviews make my day.**


	11. Stale TV Specials

_**DISCLAIMER: AS YOU ALREADY KNOW, I DON'T OWN THE MENTALIST OR 'THE TWELVE PAINS OF CHRISTMAS.'**_

_EAJP here. Woot!!!! Finally wrote this one. It took me a little while to get a really good plot for this one, but I did! I hope you like it!!!!!!! READ AND ENJOY!_

*****ATTENTION! JISBON ALERT! JISBON ALERT! This fic is INTENDED Jisbon, so I hope you're a fan!!!*******

_

* * *

The eleventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: Stale TV specials!_

Patrick Jane sat on his barely used couch staring at his barely used TV. Lisbon had forced him to go home, seeing as it was Christmas Eve. She even went as far as to say she would personally drive him home to ensure he didn't drive around the block and come back to the office.

Jane sighed and scrolled through the channels again. He read them aloud to make up for the lack of noise. "Rudolph? No. Frosty? Lord help me no. _It's a Wonderful Life_? How many times can this movie possibly be shown?! Christmas at the White House? Since when was that a show?"

Jane turned off the TV. All of those shows were overrated anyway. They were on twenty-four/seven during the Christmas season. Not only did they bring up unwanted memories, but they were just plain stupid in Jane's mind. Who watches shows about talking reindeer more than once any way?

He frowned. He was bored and he didn't like it. After frowning at nothing for a few more minutes, Jane brightened. Lisbon told him he had to go home – she never said _which _home he had to go to.

Jane stood up, stretched, and grabbed his coat. It might turn out to be a better night than he had expected.

**THE MENTALIST**

Lisbon was sitting on her couch, popcorn and wine in hand. She was ready to watch _It's a Wonderful Life, _her favorite Christmas movie. As the opening credits began to roll, she started to feel bad for making Jane go home.

She knew Christmas was a difficult time for him, but she didn't want him to stay at the office all holiday. Yet, she knew it was a bad idea to send him home. Pausing the movie, she picked up her cell phone and dialed Jane's number out of guilt.

Right as she was about to hit the 'send' button, her doorbell rang, causing her to shut the phone. Sighing, she put it down and walked to the door.

"Jane?" Lisbon was standing in the doorway, looking at Jane, who was standing there with that huge grin on his face.

"Hi Lisbon! It really touches me that you were going to call me to see if I was alright – which I am, of course."

"I was _not_ going to call you!" Lisbon exclaimed.

"Yes, you were. No need to deny it, my dear. Anyway, I hate to be rude, but may I come in?"

Lisbon sighed in resignation. There wasn't a reason to argue with the man, so she stepped aside and let him enter.

"Thank you!" Jane took his jacket off and politely hung it on the coat rack.

"Jane, I really hate to be blunt –"

"No you don't."

"Ok, I don't, but what are you doing here? It's Christmas Eve."

"There wasn't anything on TV. Well, anything _logical_ on TV. Did you realize just how stupid Frosty the Snowman is? I mean, come on. A snowman can't walk, nor can it talk. And the traffic cop standing in the intersection! He gets angry that the snowman walks through a red light, yet he doesn't seem to mind that he's yelling at a _talking, walking snowman," _Jane ranted.

Lisbon laughed. "Jane, it's a children's TV show for crying out loud! It's not supposed to make sense!"

"Meh," Jane waved his hand for emphasis, "Regardless, the TV shows are so overplayed."

"Can't disagree with you there. Wanna watch a movie with me?" Lisbon walked into her kitchen and reappeared with a second glass and the bottle of wine.

"Sure! What are we watching?"

"_It's a Wonderful Life_."

Jane frowned. He really didn't like that movie, but he was with Lisbon, so that's all that mattered. "Ok! Thanks for the wine by the way."

"Yeah, no problem." Lisbon flopped on the couch and Jane followed suit. Lisbon sighed happily as she hit the 'play' button and the movie began to play.

**THE MENTALIST**

About half way through the movie, Jane was getting bored. He didn't really like this movie, but if Lisbon did, then he felt he had to.

"Lisbon," Jane said suddenly.

"Yeah?" she mumbled half interested.

"I'm bored."

"Watch the movie then."

"I am. I've seen this so many times though. I know it's your favorite movie, but still, I'm bored."

Lisbon paused the movie. "What do you suggest we do then, Mr. Entertainment?"

"Well," Jane paused and reached into his pocket, "I thought something like this might happen, so I came prepared."

Lisbon's heart sped up as Jane produced a sprig of mistletoe from his pocket and held it up over their heads. "Merry Christmas, Agent Lisbon," Jane whispered before gently capturing her lips in his.

As their kissing intensified and their hands began to wander a little farther, Jane's last thought was, "_Maybe stale TV specials aren't such a bad thing after all."

* * *

_**Alright, you read it...NOW REVIEW IT!!! Please?  
**


	12. Singing Christmas Carols

_**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT, NOR WILL I EVER, OWN THE MENTALIST OR 'THE TWELVE PAINS OF CHRISTMAS.'**_

_Dear readers,_

_It seems my time with this little fic has come to an end. I've had a great time writing these fics throughout the holiday season...they've probably been the thing that's kept me sane. Anyway, this is probably one of my longest oneshots I've written, but I felt I had to end it big. I would like to say one last thing before you get to your reading...I have **the best reviewers ever!!!** Seriously, all of your reviews made my days =D Thank you to all that have taken the make me feel so loved..haha.  
_

_Yours in fanfic,_

_EAJP  
_

_

* * *

The twelfth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: Singing Christmas carols!_

Lisbon glared at the email she had just printed out, hoping that she could either burn a hole through it or make it disappear – preferably the latter. It read:

_Attention:_

_ All teams are required to sing one Christmas carol at the children's benefit tomorrow. It may be of your choosing, just be prepared. _

_Sincerely,_

_V. Minelli_

Lisbon sighed. She wasn't getting out of it, so she figured she might as well get ahead of the game and tell the team. She walked out into the bullpen and summoned them all, "All of you! Listen up!"

Rigsby ran out of the break room (looking guilty – he probably ate more yogurt) and Jane sat up and stretched on his couch to act like he was waking up from a nap.

"Yes, Lisbon?" Jane asked.

Lisbon ignored him and read the email. After she read it, she said, "So, we have to pick a song and sing it. Any ideas?"

Everyone grumbled in unison. No one – not even Jane – liked singing in front of people, especially children.

"Can't we get out of it?" Rigsby asked hopefully.

"Nope. Mandatory."

"Maybe we'll get a case," Cho added as hopefully as one can in monotone.

"Come on, it might not be that bad," Lisbon said, which earned her four dubious looks. "Ok, fine it will be. Just seriously pick a song."

"How about Rudolph?" Van Pelt asked.

"Frosty?" Rigsby added.

"No!" Jane replied almost immediately. He and Frosty the unrealistic Snowman didn't mix.

"It has to be a kids' song?" Cho asked.

"No, it doesn't specify. It just says a Christmas song," Lisbon replied, rereading the email quickly.

"I have an idea then," Cho proclaimed, which caused everyone to look at him, "We sing 'The Twelve Pains of Christmas.'"

He was met with a chorus of "Great idea"'s and "Yeah"'s!

"Cho, you're a genius," Van Pelt said, pulling up the lyrics on her computer so she could begin to assign the lines.

**THE MENTALIST**

The CBI's Serious Crimes Unit stood on the stage facing the audience, Santa hats donning their heads. Even Cho looked a little less deadpan.

"Everyone remember their lines?" Lisbon whispered.

"Yeah. What do you think we are, twelve?" Jane whispered back.

"No. Three," Lisbon replied, smirking.

"Shush woman," Jane said.

"Both of you, stop. If you want to make out or something, do it after we get this over with," Cho added, barely moving his lips.

Lisbon or Jane might have said something in retort, but the music began to play for their song.

"The first thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me is finding a Christmas tree!" the five of them sang together.

"The second thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:" everyone sang.

"Rigging up the lights!" Rigsby chimed in.

"And finding a Christmas tree! The third thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:"

"Hangovers!" Jane sang, smiling as usual.

"Rigging up the lights!"

"And finding a Christmas tree! The fourth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:"

"Sending Christmas cards!" Lisbon sang wearily.

"Hangovers!"

"Rigging up the lights!"

"And finding a Christmas tree! The fifth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: five months of bills!"

"Sending Christmas cards!"

"Hangovers!"

"Rigging up the lights!"

"And finding a Christmas tree! The sixth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:"

"Facing my in-laws!" Van Pelt sang.

"Five months of bills!"

"Oh, I hate those Christmas cards!"

"Hangovers!"

"Rigging up these lights!"

"And finding a Christmas tree! The seventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:"

"The Salvation Army!" Jane sang, shuddering at the thought of the bell.

"Facing my in-laws!"

"Five months of bills!"

"Sending Christmas cards!"

"Oh, geez!"

"I'm tryin' to rig up these lights!"

"And finding a Christmas tree! The eighth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:"

"I WANNA TRANSFORMER FOR CHRISTMAS!" Van Pelt yelled, perfectly imitating a five-year old.

"Charities! And what do you mean '_your_ in-laws'?!"

"Five months of bills!"

"Agh, making out these cards!"

"Honey, get me a beer, huh?"

"What?! We have no extension cords?!"

"And finding a Christmas tree! The ninth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:"

"Finding parking spaces!" Lisbon sang, remembered what happened earlier that week.

"DADDY! I WANT SOME CANDY!"

"Donations!"

"Facing my in-laws!"

"Five months of bills!"

"Writing out those Christmas cards!"

"Hangovers!"

"Now why the heck are they blinking?!"

"And finding a Christmas tree! The tenth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:"

"Batteries not included!" Cho sang, thinking about his nephews' stupid transformers.

"No parking spaces!"

"BUY ME SOMETHING!"

"Get a job, you bum!"

"Facing my in-laws!"

"Five months of bills!"

"Yo-ho, sending Christmas cards!"

"Oh geez, look at this!"

"One light goes out, they ALL go out!"

"And finding a Christmas tree! The eleventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:"

"Stale TV specials!" Rigsby sang.

"Batteries not included!"

"No parking spaces!"

"DADDY I GOTTA GO TO THE BATHROOM!"

"Charities!"

"She's a witch! I hate her!"

"Five months of bills!"

"Oh, I don't even _know_ half these people!"

"Oh, who's got the toilet paper, huh?"

"Get a flashlight! I blew a fuse!"

"And finding a Christmas tree! The twelfth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: Singing Christmas carols!"

"Stale TV specials!"

"Batteries not included!"

"No parking?!?!!?"

"WAAAAAHHH!!!!!"

"Charities!"

"Gotta make 'em dinner!"

"Five months of bills!"

"I'm not sending them this year! That's it!"

"Shut up, you!"

"Fine! You're so smart, you rig up the lights!!!"

"And finding a Christmas tree!!!!!!!!!"

By the end of the song, the whole audience, children and adults alike, were crying they were laughing so hard. The same could be said for the team, who could barely say a word as they took a bow.

Everyone continued to clap as the team took their seats. "Well, that was more fun than I expected," Lisbon said. They were the last group to sing, so the crowd began to mingle and talk to one another again.

"Yeah, you can say that," Cho said deadpan. He fell back into monotone, even though he still had his Santa hat on.

"You know, the funniest part about that whole song is that it's true," Van Pelt mused, wiping her eyes.

"That's the point of the song," Rigsby pointed out.

"You know, come to think of it, Christmas is a pain in the ass," Jane stated, "Yet, as big of a pain as it is, I couldn't imagine a better time during the year."

"I'll drink to that," Lisbon proclaimed, raising her glass. Everyone followed suit.

"To the twelve pains of Christmas!" Van Pelt declared.

"Cheers!" everyone said in unison. Maybe this Christmas wouldn't turn out to be as bad as they thought it might.

* * *

**Alright folks, you read my final chapter, now review it!!! I don't care what you say...just let me know what you thought about it!**


End file.
